Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
