My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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