So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
