he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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