You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
