We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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