im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dignity is for republicans.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
