hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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