I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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