i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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