I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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