Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's shark week go big or go home
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