so that wasnt chicken after all
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
