batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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