Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
