the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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