After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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