just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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