what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
