so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
