I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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