so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.