Texts From Last Night

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  (769): View more from Mississippi

  My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth

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  (769): My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth http://tfl.nu/6ama
  Replies (33) Good night (3364) Bad night (2531)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now

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  (902): i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now http://tfl.nu/uxyj
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (3472)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

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  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
  Replies (90) Good night (8095) Bad night (1738)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2885) Bad night (9610)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4617) Bad night (1182)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

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  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (5403) Bad night (1091)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that

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  (518): Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that http://tfl.nu/9wbc
  Replies (2) Good night (907) Bad night (497)
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  (626): View more from California

  AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN

  (1-626): View more from California

  we're fated to lesbian

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  (626): AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN (1-626): we're fated to lesbian http://tfl.nu/bohp
  Replies (5) Good night (1274) Bad night (638)
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  (209): View more from California

  Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)

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  (209): Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar) http://tfl.nu/xy0l
  Replies (4) Good night (1559) Bad night (483)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"

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  (727): I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe" http://tfl.nu/2m07
  Replies (7) Good night (1573) Bad night (736)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left

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  (775): FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left http://tfl.nu/965v
  Replies (7) Good night (396) Bad night (1108)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.

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  (615): Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face. http://tfl.nu/mm6o
  Replies (5) Good night (1201) Bad night (373)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed

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  (513): I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed http://tfl.nu/fex2
  Replies (4) Good night (784) Bad night (313)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (708): I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/dqby
  Replies (2) Good night (391) Bad night (336)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"

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  (518): I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication" http://tfl.nu/6zyw
  Replies (6) Good night (822) Bad night (191)

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