Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend