So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?