if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
