I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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