I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
