it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
