Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize