She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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