he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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