Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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