VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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