U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
