That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drake has all the answers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
