She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So much Jack, so little girl.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
