chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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