Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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