You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
