My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
