Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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