I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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