Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
