a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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