Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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