She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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