Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
