Jerry, you need to find god
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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