he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
