Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
