Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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