i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
