Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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