I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
