Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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