I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
