yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
