Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
