You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
