don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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