So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
